


The Boy With Blonde Hair

by Alaina1029



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, maybe...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-12 14:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11739357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alaina1029/pseuds/Alaina1029
Summary: Connor walked to the bus and went to go sit in the back like he usually did. You know, the one where only one person could sit so no one tried to sit by him, but it’s not like anyone would anyway. When he got to the last seat, someone was there, staring out the window. It was a boy with blonde hair.This will mainly be a tree bros fanfic, but Zolana will be in it.





	1. Chapter 1

“C’mon Evan! It’s time for school!” _Oh joy._ Evan slowly got out of bed. He winced in pain when he banged his arm on things, trying to get ready. He walked downstairs to see his mom smiling at him. “Is your arm ok?” “Yep.” “Do you have your meds?” “Yep.” “Have you written your letter to yourself yet?” Evan rolled his eyes. “I’ll write it on the bus, mom.” Heidi’s smiled faltered. “Oh of course! Sorry Ev. Just make sure to write it later!” Evan nodded. As Evan went to the door to grab his things, his mom walked past him. “Uh mom? Aren’t you driving me to school?” Heidi sighed. “I wish I could, sweetie. I have an early shift and I can’t be late. You’re gonna have to take the bus. Sorry Ev!” Evan cringed. The bus. He hated the bus. It was full of screaming, rude, and giant high schoolers. High schoolers suck. All of them except Zoe Murphy. She was amazing. Well, she was nice. Well, she was there. Zoe was pretty, and good at guitar. She never talked to Evan. He didn’t really have a reason to like her, but, he did. Evan smiled into the air. “Evan? Earth to Evan?” Evan snapped out of his mind and looked at his puzzled mom. “Uh, you might want to go outside now, the bus is coming.” Evan looked through the window and saw the bus driving to his street. His grabbed his backpack and ran outside. “Bye Evan!” Heidi called after him and sighed as she ran to grab her stuff. 

* * *

     “MOM!” “What?!” “CONNOR DRANK ALL THE MILK ON PURPOSE JUST SO I WOULDN’T HAVE ANY FOR MY CEREAL!” Cynthia sighed. “Connor?!” “WHAT?!” “Don’t be rude to Zoe! Save some milk next time!” “WHATEVER MOM!” Zoe walked to her mom’s room. “Why didn’t you ground him or something?” Cynthia got up from her desk and stood in front of Zoe. “He would just leave anyway, you know that. It’s a miracle he hasn’t already ran away for more than a week and never came back.” Zoe rolled her eyes. “Then snatch his weed or something! Why do you even care if he is here? He’s gonna murder us all one day, I tell you…” “Zoe! Don’t say that! I know he loves us, and I know he has light under that dark cloud, we just can’t see it.” Zoe just scoffed and walked back downstairs to gather her stuff. Cynthia sighed and knocked on Connor's door. When no one answered, she walked in and sure enough, she saw Connor on his bed, with an empty milk jug next to him. “Connor, it’s time to get ready for school.” Connor made a gruff noise and said, “I am ready.” Cynthia internally cringed because Connors idea of “ready” was terrible. His hair was tangled, he had bags under his eyes, and he wore the same clothes he wore the day before. Cynthia just faked a smile and said, “Ok, sweetie, come downstairs and gather your things.” Connor rolled his eyes and got up and walked past his mom downstairs. Cynthia followed. Connor pushed past Zoe to get to the closet and grabbed his bag. “Ew! Connor, you smell and look like shit!” Connor just ignored her and grabbed his bag and walked past her again. Larry called out from the table, not looking up from his newspaper. “At least he isn’t high!” Cynthia lightly smiled. “Yes, that’s good.” Connor walked past Cynthia and smirked at her as he left to go to the bus outside. Cynthia gasped. “Wait! Connor! **Are** you high?! Connor?!” Zoe hugged her mom and followed Connor outside, leaving Cynthia gaping and Larry just sighing. 

* * *

     Connor walked to the bus and went to go sit in the back like he usually did. You know, the one where only one person could sit so no one tried to sit by him, but it’s not like anyone would anyway. When he got to the last seat, someone was there, staring out the window. It was a boy with blonde hair. He had a plain blue polo shirt on and jeans, and he had a cast on his arm. Connor recognized him from the past years of school. “Um, excuse me?” Connor said in a harsh tone. The boy jumped and looked towards Connor, looking shocking and scared. “What, um, sorry, I, h-hello!” said the boy. “Why are you in my seat?” Connor asked. “Oh! I’msosorryIdidn’tknowthiswasyourseatIjuststartedridingthebusandIdidn’tknowthatyoulikedtosithereI’msosorry!” spurted the boy. Connor widened his eyes at how fast the boy had spoken and tried to comprehend what he said. The boy just grabbed his stuff and ran to a different seat, screeching in pain when he bumped his arm on a seat. Connor just rolled his eyes and smirked at the boy and sat down. As he sat down, however, he felt something under him. He reached under him, and grabbed a notebook. The cover said “Property of Evan Hansen.” _So that was his name?_ Connor opened it and flipped through it. He knew deep down he shouldn’t, but, who cares? He stopped at a page and read it to himself.

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be?_

_I have no one to run to. I have no friends who care, my mom is always working, and my dad left because we weren’t good enough. Because_ ** _I_** _wasn’t good enough._

 _I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I wish that anything I did mattered to anyone. I wish that_ ** _I_** _mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice or care if I just disappeared tomorrow?_

_Sincerely,_

_Your most best, and dearest friend, Me._

     Connor widened his eyes. He didn’t expect that. He didn’t expect that ~~cute~~  little boy with blonde hair to be so...broken. Broken, just like Connor. Just then, the bus came to a stop. Connor shoved the book in his bag and got off the bus. He walked inside the school, ignoring the judgmental and scared looks from his fellow classmates. He was used to it.

* * *

     Evan ran off the bus and glanced behind him as he ran to see if Connor was after him. He hoped and prayed that Connor wasn’t mad. He knew Connor Murphy. He was the kid who threw a printer in second grade. He was the one who smoked weed and came to school high. He was the freak of the school. Well, that one was wrong. Evan was the freak. Evan knew a lot about people, because he watched. He wasn’t a stalker, he was lonely. He never talked to anyone, besides Jared, and Jared probably didn’t even like him. _Yeah. It’s just for the car insurance._ Evan just watched people talk to their friends. Watched them be happy and have great lives. He also watched Connor. He watched him sit alone and sulk. He watched him leave classes to go smoke weed. Connor was lonely, just like him.


	2. Chapter 2

     Evan ran into the school and straight to his locker, as he emptied out his book bag items into his locker, he searched for his notebook so he could throw away the letter he wrote. It wasn’t going to be the real letter he showed to his mom or his therapist.That’s exactly how he felt, but his mom can’t know. She already knows about his anxiety, but if she knew about the...other stuff, she would freak out. She probably wouldn’t be able to pay for the insane asylum the doctors would want to send him.  _ No. They can’t know. No one can know.  _ He kept digging in his bag, but couldn’t find his notebook. He started to panic. “Where is it?!” He gasped. He must’ve left it on the bus. But the bus is gone now. Maybe Con- Evan gasped again. “Maybe Connor has it…” he mumbled. Evan ran to go find Connor. What if he threw it away or ruined it?! Evan had so much other stuff in it. What if he read it?! What if he showed Heidi or the counselor?! What if now Connor knew how broken Evan really was?! It’s not like he’d care though. No one does. 

* * *

     Connor walked to his locker and put away his bag and grabbed his things. It’s not like he was going to use them anyway, but he at least wanted to look like he was doing something. He closed his locker once the bell rang, and turned to see someone behind him. It was the boy with blonde hair.  _ Evan, Hansen, I believe?  _ Evan was grabbing the edges of his shirt and making eye contact once in awhile. Connor just stared at him until he said something. “H-Hey, um, Connor? I, uh, h-had this notebook. I t-think I may h-have left it on the b-bus when I left my se-YOUR SEAT! I m-mean, when I l-left your seat after I f-found out it was yours. I may h-have left my notebook in your s-seat.” Connor faked confusion. “What notebook are you talking about?” lied Connor. Connor knew exactly what notebook he was talking about. Evan visibly sweated. “I-It had tree d-doodles on the front and it h-had a bunch of w-writing and d-drawings in it. I r-really n-need it. It has s-some s-stuff n-no one can k-know about.” Evans meds had definitly worn out. He was sweating more and he was super stressed out and he was stuttering a lot and he had to go get his meds. Connor started to feel kinda bad for him. “Oh, that notebook.” Connor reached into his bag and grabbed the notebook. Evans face lit up. “Wow! T-Thanks!” He grabbed it from Connor and went to leave. Before he left however, he stopped and turned around. “Y-You didn’t h-happen to r-read anything f-from it, d-did you?” “Nope,” lied Connor again. Evan’s face stayed neutral.  _ Shit, does he not believe me?!  _ “It looked really boring and lame anyway, so I figured it was yours,” added Connor. Evan’s face fell drastically, but then formed into a forced smile. “Haha, yup! That’s me! Lame and boring and  **broken** .” Connor instantly felt kinda bad.  _ Why? It isn’t like I know him? Why do I care about his feelings? He’s just some boy with blonde hair! Cute blonde hair...coNNOR NO! Ugh.  _ Connor left his thoughts to see Evan running away from him into a bathroom. Connor shrugged and tried to act like he wasn’t really guilty.  _ Shit.  _

* * *

     Evan ran into the bathroom and ran into the last stall, not caring about bumping his arm as he slammed and locked the door. Evan threw his bag and notebook on the ground and bawled. “W-Why d-did I d-do that?!” he yelled at himself. “One m-more p-person to h-hate me! I just h-had to s-screw up again! G-Great j-job, YOU FREAKING FAILURE!!!” Evan screamed and hit his cast against the stall, not caring about the great amount of physical pain he was feeling. There was too much mental pain to deal with.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! School is so tragic! Welp, here's a crappy chapter that literally took me a month!

     Connor left and started walking to his class. Connor tried to get rid of any thoughts from before with Evan, because he didn’t really care. He didn’t want to care by accident. Connor thought of his next class. Social Studies. Connor was actually kinda excited, because he would get to have Mr. Green. All of the seniors would rave about how fun and how kind he was. They said he let you change partners for projects if you want or work alone. Connor would definitely work alone. They also said he was accepting to all people, and Connor really needs that, even though he won’t admit it.  _ Acceptance. What a concept. _ He thought as he sat down in a seat in the back of the class. Students began filing into the classroom, and tried to get a seat as far away from Connor as they could. One unlucky student was last into the class and had to sit on the left side of Connor. There was still an empty seat to the right. The student was visibly scared, and it annoyed Connor. Why was everyone scared of him? Just because he has severe anger issues and threw a printer at a teacher in second grade and smokes weed behind the school sometimes during classes and yells at everyone all the time and-Connor could see why. Connor sighed and looked at the student. They flinched and tried to look ahead and not make eye contact.  _ Whatever. I don’t need friends. I don’t need people to like me. I don’t need anyone.  _ The bell rang and the teacher walked in. “Ok class!” she said in a cheery voice. Connor already despised her.  _ Where is Mr. Green?  _  “My name is Mrs. Francesca! I am your Social Studies teacher!” One student raised their hand. “What happened to Mr. Green?” Connor was also very curious. And very angry. If Mr. Green was gone, Connor actually had no reason to be here. The teacher’s smile faltered. “Well, Mr. Green got into an accident while driving.” Various gasps rose from the students. “But! He just broke a few bones, so maybe, he will be back! But for now, I’ll be your teacher!”  _ Oh joy.  _ “Ok, now for attendance.” She pulled out a clipboard and started calling names. “Alana Beck?” A girl raised her hand. “Present.” She was black and had black braided hair into a ponytail and had glasses. She was a few seats ahead of him and a few to the left. The teacher kept calling names and came to one that got Connors attention. “Evan Hansen?” No one answered. “Is there an Evan Hansen?” Connor spoke. “He went to the bathroom.” Mrs. Francesca nodded her head and went back to calling names. “Connor Murphy?” Connor raised his hand and deadpanned, “Here.” The students next to him flinched as he raised his hand. The teacher just nodded and checked him off.  _ Wow. No snarky remark?  _ Maybe she was ok, for now. After the names were finished, the teacher began with the lesson. After about 10 minutes, Mrs. Francesca looked at the empty seat by Connor and then asked, “Can you go check on Evan, Connor?” Connor just rolled his eyes and got up to head to the bathroom.

* * *

     Evan had been sitting in that stall for a long time. No one had came in because class started and the kids went before. It was just Evan in the bathroom, sitting on a toilet, in a locked stall, crying. Well, not really crying anymore. He was pretty sure he was out of tears. His head hurt from crying and from the pain in his arm. He felt like he was going to pass out. He also realized he never took his pills before he came in here and had his little tantrum.  _ Ugh. Did I even sleep last night? Or was I up all night being anxious because my senior year is starting? Yeah, it was probably that. Ughhhhh….I am actually going to pass out! What the hell?! What if they find me in here and think I’m dead?! And then a don’t wake up until they’ve already buried me alive?! And then I die of suffocation?! I’ll just sit there, slowly losing air until there’s none left!  Actually, I’ll be quickly losing air because I’ll be hyperventilating  like I am now! Oh geez oh geez oh geez!  _

* * *

     Connor walked to the bathroom he saw Evan run into. He pushed open the door and walked in. He didn’t see him at a urinal, --  _ Thank god.  _ Connor usually avoided boys bathrooms -- so Connor checked the stalls. One of them was closed. He could hear ragged breathing from it.  _ Yup, this is probably him.  _ Connor banged on the door with his fist. Evan screamed. “Jesus, please stop screaming. The teacher needs you to come to class. You’ve been in here for like, 13 minutes.” Evan opened the stall and avoided eye contact with Connor, but Connor could still see his face. He had tear streak marks on his cheeks and his eyes were read and puffy, and his blonde hair was ruffled.  _ Holy shit, did what I said really fuck him up that bad?  _ Connor did actually feel guilty. When he would yell at Zoe or his mom when he was angry or high or something, he never saw the aftermath on their faces. They always went to their rooms right after. He never really saw how they were affected. This was new for him, seeing someone cry because of something he said.  _ Whatever, I don’t care about him, I don’t know him, so why should I care? I shouldn’t. I don’t care. _


End file.
